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最終更新日 : 2012/01/30 (Mon) 09:05
最終更新日 : 2012/01/30 (Mon) 09:05
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The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.
All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.
War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
When I die I\'m going to leave my body to science fiction.
Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.
Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
Whether you think that you can, or that you can\'t, you are usually right.
In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.
A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I\'ve only ever had one.
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There\'s many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
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Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It\'s pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.
It\'s impossible to experience one\'s death objectively and still carry a tune.
To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance
He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.
They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you\'ve got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn\'t your biggest problem.
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
I\'m not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It\'s just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.
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It\'s strange, isn\'t it. You stand in the middle of a library and go \'aaaaagghhhh\' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
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A camel is a horse designed by a committee
The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.
DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they\'re yours.
A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
If it wasn\'t for C, we\'d be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.
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If all the world\'s managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me
A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.
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I\'m not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.
If it wasn\'t for muscle spasms, I wouldn\'t get any exercise at all.
What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.
A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?
To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance
Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.
2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.
Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
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It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.
It\'s not the size of the dog in the fight, it\'s the size of the fight in the dog.
To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.
Gigerenzer\'s Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.
Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!
Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
I have an existential map; it has \'you are here\' written all over it.
Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.
Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.
Smith & Wesson ? the original point and click interface.
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn\'t work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don\'t seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can\'t it get us out?
The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.
It is better to be quotable than to be honest.
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Many a man\'s reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.
I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.
He managed to stupid himself right into the White House.
Finagle\'s Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.
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I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...
The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a \'C\', the idea must be feasible.
Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
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The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.
Humor is just another defense against the universe.
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When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, \'Why god? Why me?\' and the thundering voice of God answered, \'There\'s just something about you that pisses me off.\'
No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don\'t need to be done.
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
I\'ve just learned about his illness. Let\'s hope it\'s nothing trivial.
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don\'t need.
I\'m not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It\'s just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
I\'m all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let\'s start with typewriters.
Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they\'re eating sandwiches.
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I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.
The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.
The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.
The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...
You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
Fill what\'s empty, empty what\'s full, and scratch where it itches.
In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.
You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.
Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It\'s the transition that\'s troublesome.
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.
Oh for pity\'s sake. HERE. Two pebbles. Two more pebbles. FOUR pebbles. What is WRONG with you people?
He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.
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If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
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Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you\'ll be happy; if not, you\'ll become a philosopher.
A good sermon should be like a woman\'s skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.
The difference between \'involvement\' and \'commitment\' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was \'involved\' - the pig was \'committed\'.
Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it\'s good it\'s wonderful, and when it\'s bad it\'s still pretty good.
Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
Write a wise word and your name will live forever.
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
I hope life isn\'t a big joke ... because I don\'t get it.
The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.
Am I lightheaded because I\'m not dead or because I\'m still alive?
First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
You\'ll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.
Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, \'cause if they couldn\'t, they\'d have to wake up to the fact that life\'s one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can\'t seem to keep up is they\'re a bunch of misfits and losers.
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The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.
Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?
If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn\'t it.
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
Sterling\'s Corollary to Clarke\'s Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.
My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
I don\'t know why we are here, but I\'m pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.
Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
Don\'t let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.
There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.
My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.
There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
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I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
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To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance
Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.
If you\'re sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can\'t it get us out?
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I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.
Black holes are where God divided by zero.
I\'m not a member of any organized political party, I\'m a Democrat!
Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
They laughed when I said I\'d be a comedian. They aren\'t laughing now.
Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.
The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
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For if he like a madman lived, At least he like a wise one died.
[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.
A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.
The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently
I\'m desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don\'t think.
A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.
Everywhere I go I\'m asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don\'t stifle enough of them.
I\'m trying to see things from your point of view but I can\'t get my head that far up my ass.
There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
A camel is a horse designed by a committee
Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.
Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.
A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it\'s good it\'s wonderful, and when it\'s bad it\'s still pretty good.
Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.
An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.
When you\'ve seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.
If a man does his best, what else is there?
I\'m not a member of any organized political party, I\'m a Democrat!
I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.
We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.
Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
If it wasn\'t for muscle spasms, I wouldn\'t get any exercise at all.
The only difference between me and a madman is that I\'m not mad.
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn\'t it.
The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don\'t seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
If all the world\'s managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.
If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn\'t.
As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air ? however slight ? lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.
The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.
It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners.
Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.
Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.
Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.
Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
When I am dead, I hope it may be said: \'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.
If quantum physics doesn\'t confuse you then you don\'t understand it.
Copy from one, it\'s plagiarism; copy from two, it\'s research.
There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
In the begining there was nothing and God said \'Let there be light\', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.
I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.
Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.
We didn\'t lose the game; we just ran out of time.
They couldn\'t hit an elephant at this dist--
Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.
Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he\'d lie just to keep his hand in.
I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.
In the begining there was nothing and God said \'Let there be light\', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.
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The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
I\'m living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
Gigerenzer\'s Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
In the begining there was nothing and God said \'Let there be light\', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.
Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.
It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.
The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there\'s no law against whacking them around a bit.
There\'s many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.
There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can\'t get zillions of people to misunderstand it.
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
The covers of this book are too far apart.
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment
Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
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Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?
Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?
I don\'t believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.
All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one\'s work is terribly important.
Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.
Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.
Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn\'t.
The trouble with the Internet is that it\'s replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
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The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.
I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.
Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse\'s family too.
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.
Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you\'re gonna get.
It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
Sex is like air. It\'s only a big deal if you can\'t get any.
I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
Don\'t let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.
You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
They couldn\'t hit an elephant at this dist--
Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?
Physics is not a religion. If it were, we\'d have a much easier time raising money.
The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.
There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can\'t get zillions of people to misunderstand it.
You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, \'Where have I gone wrong?\' Then a voice says to me, \'This is going to take more than one night.\'
We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.
One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.
Attention to health is life\'s greatest hindrance.
Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called \'Ego\'.
If you can read this you\'re not aiming in the right direction.
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently
Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes
Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.
In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn\'t speak up because I wasn\'t a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn\'t speak up because I wasn\'t a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn\'t speak up because I wasn\'t a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn\'t speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.
If a man does his best, what else is there?
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
A physicist is an atom\'s way of knowing about atoms.
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So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said \'You\'ve been promoted\'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said \'You\'ve been promoted again\'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said \'You\'re managing director.\' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said \'What happened to you?\' And I Said \'I careered off the road.\'
Once you\'ve written TBicycle, you never forget how.
Why don\'t they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.
最終更新日 : 2012/01/14/(Sat) 22:13
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